Life

It's been awhile since I've had the time to journal (and think clearly about it), so I thought I'd share with everyone an update on how life has been since our son Max's arrival.  So here it is.

Our newest addition to the Culbreath family, Max Danger Culbreath, was born June 14th, 2011.  He is, indeed, the world's most perfect baby.  Since two weeks old, he's been sleeping through the night (Mommy and Daddy are SO grateful for this) and he only really cries when he's hungry.  And how are Mommy and Daddy?  A little TIRED, but happy.  I am so thankful for a baby who knows the meaning of sleep.  I can't imagine having to get up with Max every single night as it was pretty difficult in the beginning and those of you who know me know I need my sleep (or you won't want to know me).  As our friend Woods says, "Max eats like John and sleeps like Maureen".   Thank goodness for that!

The first two weeks out were hell.  There's no way to sugar coat it, that's just how it was.  And I will add that as difficult as it is to care for one child, I'm sure it's just that much harder for those of you with two at a time, three at a time; I can also see how parents of multiples have a higher divorce rate.  Everyone with a newborn, regardless of number, knows that the hormones are flying, there is serious sleep deprivation, and let's not forget the stress of caring for this tiny new being you know nothing about.  Are you stressed yet?  I'm getting stressed out just thinking about it.  So how is life now, you ask?
There has been pp depression.  In the beginning, it was hard.  So hard.  I was crying night and day about every little thing.  I cried when I was happy, I cried when I was sad, I cried when I was mad....you get the point.  I can remember the second night we were home with Max and I had a complete meltdown because I thought he was growing up so fast and, in my head, I had him already graduated from college and married with kids of his own.  Ridiculous.  Part of this I attribute to the fact that the hormones were seriously out of control and trying to readjust themselves to whatever their "normal" level is.  The other part is that I already struggle with depression and this made dealing with the hormones about 10 times worse.  You can imagine how my poor husband felt as he tried to console his severely irrational wife.  God bless him. 
At around 4 weeks, the hormones started to level out a bit and I felt a little more stable in my emotions.  A large portion of this I will attribute to my being able to return to they gym at 2 weeks pp and get back into my exercise routine (yes, my midwife cleared me for this).  It helps my mood, no matter what state I'm in, to get involved in something physical.  My drug of choice is Zumba and the time away from the stresses of life for just that one hour a day helps my mood be where I need it to be.  I am so thankful the Lord gave me the energy and strength I needed throughout my pregnancy and pp period to keep exercising.  Physically, I am an anomaly, having healed so quickly after giving birth.  I am in a much better place physically and emotionally than I would be if I had not kept up with my exercise.  Additionally, I am proud to say that today Max is 10 weeks old and I have lost all of my pregnancy weight.  Weight loss is a whole different can of worms I won't address today, but just know it is something I have always struggled with in the past and continue to struggle with daily.  So you could see that progress in this area of my life would help my depression.  I'm not where I want to be (who is, really?), but having accomplished this goal of losing the pregnancy weight so quickly gives me hope to try and continue to live a healthy lifestyle and someday reach my goal weight.  

Besides the physical and mental stress of having a newborn, there is the fiscal side of things.  Many of you know my husband and I practice Financial Peace (Dave Ramsey) and that I have been looking for a job over the past 7 months with no success.  Pizza Hut wouldn't even hire me.  I'm serious.  It was that bad.  Somehow, though, God has provided for us through every step of the way with refunds or bonuses or gifts and we have made it through till now.  John and I both knew I had to go back to work, so when Max was about 5 weeks old, I started looking for and applying for nursing jobs.  One Sunday night, I sat and applied for jobs while everyone went to the movies.  The next morning, I got a call to set up an interview.  The next day, I interviewed.  The day after that, I got the job.  Really?  After 7 months of countless applications and interviews and I get a job in literally 3 days?  My outlook on the whole situation remains this:  1.) I'm so very thankful for the period of rest I was allowed during my pregnancy and that we were taken care of through it all, and 2.) I'm thankful for a new job that allows me to help provide for my family.  And, the same day I got hired, a friend of mine, who is also a nanny, posted on Facebook that she was looking for a new nanny gig because her previous one had just come to an end?  Don't tell me it's all a coincidence.  Did I also mention that I think I might actually be enjoying this job?  Big deal for me, as I have yet to find something in the nursing field I enjoy doing.  I'm pretty stoked. 

All of this isn't to say that I don't have my rough days, but I am at a point right now where I feel my depression is more under control than it has been in recent months thanks to medication, exercise, a good support system, and life changes (staying busy has helped immensely).   And I would also like to say thank you to those of my friends who have shared with me their battles with depression, especially on the pp side of things.  I am encouraged to know I am not alone in how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking. 

So there you have it.  The past 2 1/2 months in a nutshell.  Good times, bad times, hard times, sad times, and everything in between, I remain thankful.  Be thankful for life, for what you have, for each new day.  This helps you take the focus off of yourself and your troubles and gives you something positive to focus on.  Be thankful. 

Thankfully Yours,

Maureen